


Same Mistakes

by JamieMoonyMarks



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Ed Sheeran is literally Ginger Jesus, Ed is a songwriter but not a performer, I originally posted this on wattpad in 2015, Multi, Non-Famous AU, Not centered around relationships, Sad, Self-Harm, Some grammar mistakes included because I don't want to read my old work again, Zayn is the sweetest character in this whole story, also, emotional mess, slight mention of cutting, vent fic, written while I had Same Mistakes on repeat and was crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-12-31 00:23:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12120528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamieMoonyMarks/pseuds/JamieMoonyMarks
Summary: The night out clubbing was supposed to calm me down, make the stress go away. A night with the mates to keep the worries at bay. Instead, I couldn't get the problems off my mind.I still wonder if we will keep making the same mistakes over and over like we always have, stuck in this never-ending hell. Nothing changes no matter what the situation, and I seem to be the only one who sees that.A night of disasters, discovery, and tears.There is no way to avoid the inevitable.Or; Zoe has a horrible night out clubbing and Zayn tries his best to make her smile-even if things come up unexpectedly along the way.





	Same Mistakes

**Author's Note:**

> There are grammar mistakes in this and I am aware, though since this work is so old I don't feel the motivation to edit. My current work is much better, so be warned. Enjoy this sad attempt at a fanfic written by younger me. (:

I need an out, I need a break from the chaos. The chaos of the music, and the closeness of everyone's bodies as we dance the night away. This was a night meant for us to forget our problems. But for me, it just magnified every flaw in me.

Stepping out into the cool night air of early autumn, a gust of wind kissed my cheeks making me close my eyes completely absorbed in the moment. Will everything be okay? For all I know this night could be for nothing. The project, me and Louis getting back together, Zayn to become more stable with Liam. And Harry, oh Harry, for him to forget about his dying sister Gemma. Poor Niall just tagged along with us, wanting some fun and drinks.

It seems we really are moving in circles, repeating our mistakes over and over again. Are we all hopeless? I thought aloud, breaking the silence engulfing me.

"I dunno." I heard someone say, nearly a whisper. I turned my head and see Zayn, who had just stepped out of the building too. I smile weakly, as he stepped closer to me.  
After a few moments, he has his lighter out and a pack of Marlboro cigarettes in his palms. He offers me one silently and I comply, taking the cigarette and lighter after he is done lighting his own. We stand there, enjoying the quiet for a while. After we both finish off the stubs and discard them into the gravel road we both look at each other.

Our eyes stay locked, his brown ones filled with sympathy, regret, shame, and many other emotions. I can't lie that my brown-almost-black eyes were unreadable, but quite the opposite. Only mine held one emotion that Zayn's didn't: I felt hopeless.

When minutes passed, it felt like more and more weight was being placed on my shoulders, weighing me down. Zayn's eyes were now roaming all over my face, reading all my emotions. I could feel myself slowly getting closer to breaking. The seconds seemed to stretch to minutes, and the moment I felt myself crumple, Zayn caught me in a tight hug.

"It's gonna be alright. We all will get through this together." Zayn whispered into my ear, his arms wrapped around my body. " We won't make the same mistakes again, Zoe." I hugged back with the same tightness, his whole being radiating heat onto me.

I stayed in his arms for a while, but he eventually pulled away, keeping me at arm's length from him. Looking at his face, he had the same tears in his glassy eyes at me, threatening to pour onto his tan skin. I smiled weakly before pulling out a handkerchief from my back pocket-something I learned from Harry- and handing it over to Zayn to dab his eyes. He complies and wipes his tears away giving it back to me as I do the same.

"We're okay," I said without my voice cracking. "I'm okay. Now, let's go back in there and get our dates before they figure out we're gone." I continued trying to sound a bit cheerful.

"Hey, you don't have to pretend. There's enough lies and pretending already between us six." I laughed at that, on how full of truth it was. There is enough pretending between everyone.

Harry pretends to not know that Gemma is slowly dying because of cancer. Niall tries to hide the fact that Holly broke him all those years ago. And Liam and Zayn's fights have been getting way too violent to be forgotten. Louis is just tired of trying, which breaks me. Which makes me not want to go back in there again.

"Can we just leave?" my voice broke finally, on the word leave. "Like, and not see them again tonight?" I looked down at his shoes, only to have my chin pulled back up to meet his gaze.

"Yeah. I'll text Niall that me and you bolted." I nodded as he pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Niall that read: Hey Ni, me and Zoe both aren't feeling well. We're heading home.

Slipping his phone back into his jacket, he looped his arm around my waist as we walked to his black sports car.

Before he can ask where I want to go we are off to the closest ice cream parlor downtown. I order the double chocolate cone while Zayn goes for the Superman cone-of course Zayn went to pay but I stopped him and paid myself. He is really too sweet, it's heartbreaking.

By the time he drives me home, Niall finally replies to his text, probably in a drunken state judging by the gibberish of the message. When Zayn walks me to the door of my small apartment, I already hear voices from the inside the place.

Wondering what is going on, Zayn and I exchange glances before I reluctantly unlock and swing open the door. The front room is empty, with two pairs of men's shoes laying strewn across the floor. Definitely not there when I left the house earlier this evening. Then, a shrill sound comes from the direction of the hallway.

Searching for the sound, both Zayn and I venture down the hallway to the source of the sounds. Now it was more frequent, sounding almost human-like. I found the door where whoever was here was behind, and pushed it open halfway and silently. What I see I don't even want to explain.

I see a naked Harry pinning down an also naked Louis, pushing down on his hips. Their legs were both tangled together and Harry's hair fanned the sides of Louis' face, hiding the fact that they were snogging deeply. Harry's masculine body nearly hides Louis' small, feminine one. The small moans come from Louis, every now and then moaning and groaning Harry's name.

This firstly surprises me, and surely knocks the breath out of me. Then, all of a sudden, it all makes sense. Harry's looks of longing, Louis' 'casual' glances towards Harry. I always knew Harry had a crush on Louis, but Louis told me was, in fact, straight, and Harry wouldn't be his type if he did go that way. But, who would say that if they weren't?

I suddenly bolt to the bathroom a door down. I pull the medicine cabinet open violently and find what I need: a blade. I wedge the bathroom door shut just before Zayn can run in.

I take the shiny object and lift up my shirt first. I drag it across my waist one, two, three, times on both sides. The cuts aren't very deep, but small droplets start to form immediately after each cut is made. I pull my shirt back down after I put a square of toilet paper on top of each side.

Zayn finally figured out how to open the door and practically tumbles into the bathroom. The moment he sees what I'm holding his eyes turn dark. He gently takes it from my hand and tucks it away in his jacket. He looks at me sadly and I finally let go.

Then, the tears just come. They blur my vision, and I feel Zayn pull me by my shoulder out of the doorway. The boys on the bed are so busy, they didn't even notice me. My feet feel like they are full of lead, dragging me away from the horrible sight and my guilty pleasure.

Zayn pushes me onto the couch, and my head hits the edge of it, though I can't feel it. My emotional pain is already too much. Zayn pulls my body up, laying my limp body across the couch. He brings my torso into him and hugs me silently. He lets me cry and shake and hiccup in his arms for a long time, and when I look up at him, he is crying also.

I wipe my eyes and nose and look up at his solemn face. His tears are less than mine, but I think the only reason he is crying is because how broken I am.

I still remain trembling in his arms staring at his tan, tattoo-covered arms when both our tears stop. He allows me to roll up his sleeves further, letting me examine the ink he has on his skin.

"You don't have any tattoos, but you have other marks, don't you," Zayn said as he takes my wrist and pulls the sleeve up to my elbow. He stares at the faint marks on my skin before whispering to me. "You have to promise me to never do it again. I'm keeping the blade. I need you to be healthy and happy."

"I-I can't. It's addicting. And now with this," I motioned to the bedroom, "I j-just can't." I shudder again. So weak.

He is quiet for a moment, then says "Then I need you to promise me that you'll try your best to get through this without harming yourself." His kind eyes are back to the regular chocolate color and he is staring intently at me.

"I will." I smile weakly at him, and he smiles warmly back at me. He is such a sweetheart, no wonder Liam loves him so much.

"Okay, then let's get out of here. I'm sure Liam is at my place and I don't want to bother him. Harry's house is probably empty, but I don't think you would want to go there." I shake my head quickly and he continues. "Niall is not going to make it home. He'll probably end up on the second-floor stairs of his apartment. So not Niall's." He purposely discludes Louis from the list knowing I would not like to go there.

"Oh, I know a friend. He has a pretty rad place not too far into London. It won't be short of a fifteen-minute drive." He smiles warmly again and guides me out of my apartment. I don't say anything and just nod to him.

The ride is short, just like Zayn promised. And he was right: his friend Ed, has a penthouse practically overlooking the city. It's beautiful, and it raises my spirits a bit at the sight.

"Your place is amazing, Ed! How do you afford this all? Oh sorry, I shouldn't have asked that." I blush, embarrassed I just asked him such a rash question.

"Oh, it's fine. My job lets me afford it. I'm a music producer. I'm sure you have heard some of my songs, just not sung by me." He smiles kindly at Zayn and I. "But I could sing a few of my favorites for you guys if you want."

Zayn smiles a wide smile and snickers while saying "Of course. Your music is the best and you love to sing it! You should be the person to sing the songs, Ed! Don't sell them to artists! You are the artist yourself." He looks at Ed to see his reaction and he just shrugs.

"I'm fine with just writing songs right now. But I will sing a few for you two. Cheer you up a little." He smiled and headed off to his music room.

"He is so kind, really. I don't understand how he manages it." I say to Zayn and he smiles.

"There is a reason I call 'im Ginger Jesus. He is almost perfect. But I think you'll recognize the songs pretty quickly."

"Well that's good I guess. Thanks, Zayn. I'm feeling a little better already. " As I finish talking Ed comes back into the room with an acoustic guitar.

"Okay, you two. I'll sing a few for you guys. This one's called Kiss me." He said and started playing the beautiful ballots while singing the equally beautifully crafted lyrics.

He plays a few other songs I recognize quickly: Lego house, thinking out loud, and the A team. I'm in tears when he is done playing.

"Oh, Zoe please don't cry." Ed places his guitar down gently and goes to hug me. I let him hug me, his warm embrace makes me even happier.

"Your music is beautiful. Don't worry about me though. I'm crying happy tears." I wipe my eyes and we pull away from each other. I was glad to be admitting that for the first time tonight. His cerulean eyes read my expression and he smiles gently.

"I'm glad you like my music. But I'm sure you've heard it before sung by my artists."

"Oh, of course. But I.. I think you singing it to Zayn and I tonight was just, better." I look over at Zayn and see he looks happier than before.

"Yeah, Ed. That was great. So, would you mind if we spent the night and crashed here?" Zayn asked hopefully.

"After I gave you guys a little mini-show and you've relaxed, how could I kick you out? Of course, you both can crash here. Anyways it's pretty late. Like it's almost midnight. Stay as long as you need." He grins before scooping up his guitar to put it up.

"Thank you, Zayn. Ed is really the bearer of happiness right now. You really know what I needed. so thanks." I thanked him for his thoughtfulness.

"Aw, Zoe. Don't thank me. I'm not the singer here. That's Ed's job. But seriously, you should thank him. I just drove us here." He smirked playfully.

"So where are you going to sleep Zayn?" Ed suddenly walks back into the room carrying a stack of blankets and two pillows. 

"I'll take the couch. Zoe can have the guest room." Zayn goes and takes the blankets and a pillow and throws them down onto one of the couches.

"I guess I'll take the guest bedroom." I take the pillow from him and he leads me to the guest room.

"Here you are. You don't have to go to bed yet though." He laughs at himself and leaves me to the room. Zayn comes to the doorway as I'm sitting down on the bedside.

"You feeling better than earlier?" He asks me, genuinely concerned about my well-being.

"I am very much better." I look at him with a glimmer of cheerfulness.

He smiled kindly. "Good. That's all that matters now. Night Zee." He leaves and walks in the direction of the living room to sleep.

"Night to you too." I smile to myself, actually feeling happy for the first time in a long time.

And I drift into a dreamless sleep with one thing on my mind: I knew things would get better for us all.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!
> 
> If you want to see the original post on Wattpad, here is the link.  
> https://www.wattpad.com/145296501-one-shots-same-mistakes


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